In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I want her autograph on my taint
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
