I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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