In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
