I'm going to jail i love you
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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