When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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