I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize