nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
