Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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