you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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