Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
