Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize