I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
