I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
