If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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