"it" just moved
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
