is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
