Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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