I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
