My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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