oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
