i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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