my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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