we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
