The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
