He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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