As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
A+ Viking dick
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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