I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
