did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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