If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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