Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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