So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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