the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
