she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
