Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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