i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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