My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I party with great urgency now.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
