Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
