ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
