I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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