I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize