Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
