I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
