Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize