Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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