i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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