i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I could make wine with my vomit
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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