I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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