Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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