haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
