I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
