Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
