I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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