we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
