Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
