that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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