I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
