Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
