i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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