It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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