If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
