I'm really into asian looking animals
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
