Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize