So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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