she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize