I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
